chasing what's already gone

Was listening to this as I read the most disturbing manga I've yet to read:


The manga. The synopsis already sets up quite a mess. And then you watch the characters make each decision, which is full of good intentions whether that's self-protection or chasing their tendency, but cumulatively leads to such a train wreck. It's disturbing in that its realistic. The ending is really nice though, it uses a cliche, but imo they deserve a fluffy cliche ending.

It's especially disturbing since my mind was primed because I read the latest chapter of My ID is Gangnam Beauty (another great manga) earlier in the day. Sooah's arc just started, and it bears some resemblance to Mikako. I do like Mikako's character though, she's crazy and owns it. Though all 3 lead characters are well written.

I've been happily read a bunch of manga / webtoons / manhuas on the topic of society's beauty standard. It's always a damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't kind of situation: too ugly is painful in many ways, too pretty is...tiring in many ways, and average is being a cog which I suppose is the least of the evils. Frankly, I'm susceptible to the problematic idea that if you look bad then you're lazy. I'm sure this train of thought should lead somewhere, but I'll follow it with another frankly, I get why Mikako and Kaito don't wanna get older. The girlish charm is very real and it's disappointing to think that it'll never take as little effort to look good as now. Past the awkward self-discovery teenage and undergrad years, but before "real" stress of "real" life settles in. I seriously can't wait for many things in the future, most of all owning a place of my own, but man so many necessary shit to put up with try to enjoy to get there. But like, for how long can I happily wear really short skirts, or avoid exercising which I absolutely detest?
Guess this turned into a prelude of graduation thoughts.