fireworks

Back in high school I had a major English assignment related to the ideas in The Denial of Death. I vividly remember reading that book on a beach vacation somewhere. The relevant point from that book to today’s post is that leaving a legacy is a common way to achieve immortality.

The second relevant introduction to today’s post is that I happen to have read The Remains of the Day (after not reading for the latter half of the year) and watch The Boy and the Heron in this last week of the year.

I found the movie very dense, and more grotesque/dark compared to all the other Miyazaki Ghibli movies. The music is great as usual though. Since I didn’t know how to understand the movie, I watched some YouTube analyses. One was saying that Mahito rejecting ownership of the tower is young Miyazaki rejecting the career of the old/current Miyazaki. I didn’t interpret it that way, and after some shower thinking, came to the conclusion that it’s acceptance that even though there is no successor to one’s legacy, hence no continuity to establish immortality, one can be satisfied and proud of one’s career/body of work.

This is a similar message to what I took from The Remains of the Day, a book I really didn’t enjoy the detached and nonchalant narrative style but recognize it’s a well written book, that at the end of one’s career and an age where one’s capabilities begin to decline and become much more real limits, it’s ok to simultaneously be proud of one’s accomplishments as the journey to reach this point and let go of the accompanying expectations (mostly self-imposed) and relax/enjoy the time that remains. That’s got to be the longest run-on sentence that I’ve written, hopefully you can follow.

Momentarily back to the movie:

1. The grieving part surprisingly didn’t leave much of an impression on me, maybe I hit my quota on processing loss this year haha.

2. I feel that Ghibli movies usually have a clear simple message, and “Acceptance” is the word I’d choose to summarize The Boy and the Heron.

And now back to the book: I had a good amount of ~thoughts and emotions~ after visiting family in China, and reading this book has surprisingly helped with some additional processing of that. In particular why I dislike, or surprisingly more accurately: don’t vibe with, the narrative style, and some anxiety regarding both my parents becoming no longer independent in their eventual old age (and my responsibilities arising from that), then even farther in the future of my own aging (and not wanting to burden someone else to take care of me).

Actually not even when I’m truly old, somehow I’m feeling the “getting old” real viscerally this year. Okay 2 very good things happened: I no longer get regular headaches and I fall asleep much quicker. But damn I don’t appreciate new stomach problems and a super shitty energy level. Like I want to do nothing but sleep for two whole days after hanging out in larger groups. The last one might be lagging recovery from poor mental health.

So what transpired in 2023?

• Survived long enough to take a 2 month leave of absence from work, in which a good half the time was spent horizontal on my couch.
• But met a new group of friends in the other half of the time, including my current partner.
• Trudged through work for most of the year but feeling cautiously hopeful about my new manager.
• Finally went back to China to visit my family, which was both rewarding and stressful af.
• Dined at multiple restaurants on my Toronto wish list, starting with Alo. Richmond Station is always great. Dailo is also great, would like to take my parents there. Would go back to Quetzal for a la carte.
• Got my license, finally.
• Moved, hopefully the last time in a long time. Also got adopted by a cat, now wear sweatpants often, and am developing a taste in coffee.
• Probably more good days than bad days.

if only you were here

This song reminds me of Solanin and I don't know how to feel about that.

Meaning of love, the touch, the theory of relativity
It all seems so unreal to me
Like a pipe dream in my mind

By the time I grow up, will we ever meet?
By then, will I know the meaning of thousands of love songs?

But love was not a revolution or frustration or catastrophe
Love was you

The way you laughed somehow resembled loneliness
The way you sang reminded me of a glow in this morning's sky
Rather than humans acting thousands of years from now
I'd love to see you laugh with a face no one knows yet

What I don't have, what I don't have
Is what you are made of
You make me who I am
You're gonna laugh when I say this, right?
I wanna see that face even

This heart I used all for myself until the day you came along
You cut in and caused this trouble, a big traffic jam

But then you'd say the word
The very word I needed in this whole universe

Your speaking voice sounded like my mother humming
Your silence made me see the stillness of the night
I don't mind what color the earth be thousands of years from now
I'm laughing with a face no one knows

Hundreds and thousands of times already
You've seen me, you've heard me, but I bet you don't know

"If only you were here, if only you were here"
No matter how horrendous the words that follow may be
I'll embrace those words in my arms
The despair I see with you will shine brighter
Than the hope without you

Suzume no Tojimari

T'was fun to see this in theatres with other Shinkai loving friends. The animation quality is amazing, some scenes is literally the team showing off. Somehow I still think the movies should have Tenmon's soundtrack so the music felt really different, but not bad I guess. 

I wasn't paying full attention to the lyrics at the theatre but boy do I love them after looking it up:

Red lines, blues lines you carry inside
The twain shall meet at the center of your heart

In a voice that withstands the wind
I’m bringing up the words to deliver

Time is a sleeper, wind the soft skin, the star is a cradle, people are a mirage
If this tear answers your question of why I’m crying
It’s not as close to the meaning of us finding each other

It’s the shout that this body alone will never be enough
Found a heart that trembles only when I touch your hand
How many meanings must we get over to be there?

Could be stupidity, could be ugliness, beyond what’s right, I want to hold hands with you
Precious memories I can’t recall
These are the thoughts that can’t be put into words

Maybe, just maybe
That’s all this heart is made of

Maybe, just maybe
It still beats your heart
Wanting you to “notice me”

If this tear answers your question of why I’m crying
It’s not as close to the meaning of us finding each other

It’s the shout that this body alone will never be enough
Found a heart that trembles only when I touch your hand
How many meanings must we get over to be there?

Could be stupidity, could be ugliness, beyond what’s right, I want to live with you

I got real teary by the point of the last door where it's a series of people saying variations of "I'm off" and "take care", and when the male/female lead hugged goodbye at the train station. 

Overall I'd rank it 4th in my list of his works:

1. 5cm
2. Garden of Words
3. Weathering with You (or maybe Voices of a Distant Star, but I don't remember it as well)
4. Suzume

dealin' with this space now

 Undecided if this is my favourite from the album. But I suppose it’s adept, it is a rough transition from occupying all the free thoughts to eventually an afterthought. 

Joji · Joji & BENEE - Afterthought

Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood

I've finally rectified my mistake of having never watched FMA Brotherhood, or not having completely watched the original series. It is very solid and I see why many people think it's the best series or is their favourite. But one thing I cannot forgive is that there is literally zero scenes of physical intimacy (not even a hug!!) between Roy and Riza! Absolutely unforgivable. Roy is also the latest member of my 2D harem, joining the ranks of Sanzo, Spike, and Icarus. 

Sources: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Whisper of the Heart

Alright this has taken over Princess Mononoke as my new favourite Ghibli movie.

The power of a fictional piece can be measured by its ability to suspend disbelief; I was not a jaded cat for the duration of this movie. Man this was so wholesome and encouraging to watch. Makes the emptiness after watching it so much more awful in contrast 😂 Does not help that the characters were graduating middle school.

The topography of the town reminds me of Bath, or rather it's the only hilly place I've lived. Definitely feels relatable when I see her run up and down the steep slopes. 

The color scheme of the movie is nice too. 

...

I've also watched Jiang Ziya and Weathering With You since Mangadex has been down for upgrading. I enjoyed the visuals and sounds of Jiang Ziya a lot, plot and characters are fairly standard. Did not feel much for Weathering With You, like it's good but not like the magic of 5cm. Feels similar to Your Name. 

fade into one more today

Preliminary words of excitement: Wolf's Rain is so goooood. It's everything I had hoped Ergo Proxy to be. Yoko Kanno is a god at anime soundtracks.

I accidentally spoiled the story for myself, thus saving the second half of the series for later in the week when I can curl up in bed for extended periods of time to process the feels.

Here's the ED, which I like for the exact same reasons as Champloo's ED. Except I like this animation sequence better, for the same reason as Katanagatari since it adapts to each episode. Oh the episode title screen is also reminiscent of Bebop, hnnnnng.
^that's a lot of praise.

PS. the lyrics remind me me this passage in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which unfortunately I have not reread beyond the first 3 chapters after buying the book:

If every second of our lives recurs an infinite number of times, we are nailed to eternity as Jesus Christ was nailed to the cross. It is a terrifying prospect. In the world of eternal return the weight of unbearable responsibility lies heavy on every move we make. That is why Nietzsche called the idea of eternal return the heaviest of burdens (das schwerste Gewicht).
If eternal return is the heaviest of burdens, then our lives can stand out against it in all their splendid lightness.
But is heaviness truly deplorable and lightness splendid?
The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.
Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.
What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?

PPS. a great joy of reading manga is finding an image that works beautifully as a wallpaper. This one is from Angel Densetsu, which I did not find particularly great. Each volume follows pretty much the same plot and the main character barely shows any growth over the entire series.

my dreams becoming distant apparitions

It really is frustrating when the anime's OP and ED sequence are so beautiful but the resolution just isn't good enough to make into wallpapers.
Ughh.
It was also hard picking one line of lyric for the title since they're all so poetic.



Couple more thoughts on the show:

• Fuu/Mugen/Jin is so much more well done than Lisa/Nine/Twelve. 
• It is true that Bebop is "what if you can't escape your past" and Champloo is "what if you can"
• Lukewarm is mot accurate word I can think of to describe the ending. While I do like the choice of final opponents for Mugen and Jin, since they close up the circle of their past, Fuu's confrontation (if it even qualifies as that) with the sunflower samurai is a little anti-climatic. Maybe that was the point. Objectively I don't think it was a bad ending, but I like my stories realistic throughout and dramatic in the end.

Samurai Champloo

image via.

I was short on HD space so I finally finished watching Samurai Champloo in efforts to free up 13gb.

In short it is a believable successor to Bebop, but doesn't match it's greatness.
Favourite things:

• Soundtrack: #1 goes to the ending track (Shiki no Uta) because it really sets the melancholy mood that matches quite a few episodes perfectly. Ep 11 also has beautiful tracks.
• Fuu episode: probably the one with shinosuke (ep 7, A Risky Raquet) but my favourite moment is when she plays as the dice roller at the end of ep 4 Hellhounds for Hire (pt 2).
• Mugen episode: ep 10 Lethal Lunacy, but also his moments with Sara in ep 20-21 Elegy for Entrapment
• Jin episode: hands down ep 11 Gamblers and Gallantry because Jin in love is even more swoon worthy. I like to think that he went back to find Shino to console myself for the trio parting ways in the end. Although I was totally prepared for both Jin and Mugen to die. 
• Quotation: In order for you to accept yourself as you are and live with your soul at peace, you must simply teach yourself to let it be, only then will you discover freedom (ep 12 The Disordered Diaries)

fig tree

It's been a while since I've made any sort of wallpaper, let alone anime ones. But intense feels for Katanagatari coupled with its beautiful ED sequence is a powerful motivator.

Presenting:

(I uploaded in its original size in case anyone wants it)

Unfortunately this wasn't a case of taking a screenshot and being down with it, since aspect ratios meant that there was a black bar of roughly 50px on the top and bottom. Originally I tolerated those bars for a couple of days, but they really did look ugly. Bad enough for me to overcome my reluctance to patch them up.

Luckily about 50% was super simple. The patch tool solved most of those. But then I came to the section with flowers, and that was not simple. I ended up using a combination of straight copy & paste and the patch tool to fill up the large areas. Then it's about half an hour of manually painting in details. I'm rather terrible at digitally painting, especially on a track pad (well at least the new macbooks are stepping in the direction of pressure sensitivity). In the end, I slapped on a couple of textures and my favourite trick (taught by Donna and Eva way back in middle school) of duplicating the layer and setting it on soft light. The textures helped tremendously in hiding my ugly paint job.

Furthermore, here's a Ruler of the Land (another manga whose art style is so much more polished now that we're 60 volumes in) wallpaper that demonstrates the true power of the patch tool.

The original image was only 50% as wide, all of the left hand side is patched. Another amazing feature I used is the content awareness transform to stretch the ground a little.

I am in awe for Adobe's code. If I was in compsci, my dream company would be Adobe...then Autodesk. I started learning Revit today, and damn I wish some features carried over to AutoCAD. 

Katanagatari

Yay I finally have internet at home (after much trials and tribulations).

Been otherwise watching Katanagatari after work, which really isn't many hours considering how early I sleep now to get to work at 8. Anyways, quick thoughts:

• Togame and Shichika are too adorable together. Loved watching their dynamics change as they actually fell for each other. 
• Art is so stylish, especially liked the episodes with brushstroke outlines. Overall art and setting reminds me of Saraiya Goyou.
• Good pacing and scope of the story. I like how this doesn't over-promise on what it can deliver (cough Zankyou no Terror cough). Sure it's not the most engrossing story full of deep, complex characters, but it doesn't need to be and the episodic characters do a good job delivering their point.
• Enjoyed watching variation in the ending sequence.
• Hitei-hime and Togame are good rivals, the pun on their names is great. 
• I'm very much in pain from Togame dying, but I never expected the series to have a happy ending. Her confession + Shichika's "I'd kill myself for you" is a bullet straight through the heart (Bride of the Water God also has a similar exchange). Objectively, the ending is good and consistent with the theme of "burdened by history", but subjectively I was willing to forgive any bad writing as long as I can have Togame and Shichika being adorable together forever.

Like they are here:

 image via.

I shall take solace in Shichika's final costume & recover with some shojo.

Zankyou no Terror

Last anime before going away!
It's a little embarrassing that the episodes sat unwatched on my laptop for half a year. I recently found out that this series is done by one of my dream duo of Shinichiro Wanatabe x Yoko Kanno (of Cowboy Bebop fame most notably), which finally pushed me to watch it.

tl;dr: beautiful aesthetics (especially the background art, which I found out was done by Kunasagi unsurprisingly), and beautiful sound. Decent story for what 11 episodes can provide, but it's more so a social commentary, which very much reminds me of Higashi no Eden.

image via (I also like these: 1, 2, but they contain spoilers)

-spoilers-
To be honest, I expected a much better story & character.

11 episodes is too short to develop anything, I'm becoming highly reluctant to watch any non-light hearted single season animes. This review sums up my thoughts on the story accurately. There's also a lot of symbolism (eg. wings, the seasons, why Iceland?) left unexplained. Compared to Monster*, which has a similar premise, was adapted to 74 episodes. However it is a good show if you see it as a fable with a message to deliver.

While I don't have a problem with Nine and Twelve being rather static characters since it's interesting to guess their motivation, I do have problems with Lisa, Five, and Hamura.
Lisa felt too useless for the majority of the series, and her significance is revealed too late. In hindsight I can understand why Twelve was attracted to her, but their romance still seems forced and it was seriously annoying to see her be so weak for the majority of episodes.
Additionally, I would've liked to learn more about Five. Then again I'm a huge sucker for the type of relationship between Five and Nine. Her farewell to Nine seems so disconnected with her usual obsession about beating him. I'm unsatisfied to have her simply be obsessed about winning, but then again I had the same complaint regarding Fukubei's motivation in 20th Century Boys*.
I also had hopes that Hamura become more useful, and progress into the hope in the police rather than just being a convenient sidekick for Shibazaki. The ending scenes could have been:

Hamura shows up together with Shibazaki. As the US starts shooting Twelve, Shibazaki jumps in to try to save Twelve, but dies as a martyr. Hamura holds Nine back from detonating the bomb (though I have doubts that the bomb is real) and is the one who heads the investigation about Project Athena.

I do agree with the review linked above that there is too little death in the series. It feels weird that so little sacrifice was made. Destroy and Revolution does a far better job at depicting terrorism.
Overall, these 3 characters could've been used to create more impact by changing Twelve, Nine, and Shibazaki respectively, instead of being stock to advance the plot.

The saving grace of the ending is that it shows the irony of having Twelve killed to cover up US' involvement when the motivation behind Sphinx's actions are to reveal the secret Project Athena.

PS.
The ED sequence is gorgeous! The art style!! I'm a fan of Aimer's voice so that's a bonus.



The credits sequence is also gorgeous, which nicely parallels Bebop's.

*Sidenote about Urasawa Naoki's works since I didn't post about any of them: they're good but I don't get why they're that great. They remind me of Dan Brown's thrillers: fantastic page turners, twisting plots, and consistent across the different titles. But both also don't feel very deep nor contain a message, although I could be missing the point. I would suggest Santuary instead.

PPS. Now that I'm putting more effort into these posts, they sure take a long time to write. This confirms my believe that my writing skills lie in editing, which is really disadvantage in testing situations "orz

Death Parade

Woah it's been almost half a year since I've watched an anime. Looking back at my posts, I haven't gotten better at writing about them at all haha.

I watched Death Parade on the recommendation of Jeff, and also because the internet says Psycho Pass s2 is bad. The main plot involving Decim is done really well, especially it's conclusion. There was a good balance between the episodic stories and his over-arching plot. I do wish more time was given to the subplots, especially Nona. In the main EP sequence, there's a dummy with roughly the same colour as her and I'm super curious as to whether there's a relation. If there are to be a second season, please let it be a prequel with Nona as MC *u*

A honorable mention goes to Death Parade for having such opposite OP and ED, whereas the OP is bubbly and upbeat (and catchy as hell), while the ED is serious and slightly creepy.

The first couple of seconds really reminds me of Bebop's OP.

vs

I do like how several episodes have custom ED sequences. 

Silver Spoon 2

This series is like the spiritual successor to Honey & Clover, which is just about the highest praise I can give to a slice-of-life anime.
(Not to mention that the main character's brother has a scene at Japan's northern-most point on a motorcycle, hnnng)

While I strongly feel that this series should be at least 36 episodes (I wouldn't even mind 50), there is enough development for at least the main character in the limited time. However the supporting cast is rather static as a result, whereas H&C had the time to development almost everyone. Both series have a superb balance between hilarious antics and serious moments.

Recommended for anyone who still feels like they have growing up to do.

(It's been a while since I've watched an anime eh)

The Garden of Words

I'm pretty late to this but Shinkai's latest movie was great. It's my new standard for visual quality now, the opening screen can honestly be mistaken for a filtered photograph.



Everything, and especially the mundane things, are animated so beautifully. The whole movie is just beautiful, of course this includes the soundtrack.

I made the mistake of watching this dubbed and I must say the english voice acting is really annoying. Both main characters just sound a lot more whiny in english, smh. This could just be I'm use to hearing japanese for animes though.

[spoilers]

The ending was satisfying too. If 5cm's ending was more bitter than sweet, then this ending was more sweet than bitter. The progression from Takao's confession to him yelling at Yukari to her finally speaking out to the parting and then when he left the shoes at the pavilion was so perfect. It goes to show that their relationship was a success despite not ending up together.

The Wind Rises

I think I'd be okay if this was Miyazaki's last film, there's enough in here to think about for a long long time.

image via dA. (this one is also beautiful)

This film says so much that an extra hour would benefit the pacing. Especially at the beginning when there were a lot of time skip, and to build up Jiro and Nahoko's relationship more.

Despite the pace, it is still so so so so so beautiful, exactly what you'd expect from Ghibli. Though this is the first time that I've noticed the quality of the animation (perhaps I was just not paying attention for previous films), especially for the smoke and small details. One day I will have this on blu-ray to truly appreciate the image quality.

Since the main character, Jiro, is an engineer, all you engineering people (and everyone else) definitely needs to watch this. Miyazaki frames the Zero plane as the result of Jiro's pursuit to design something beautiful rather than a machine intended for destruction. This disparity in PoV should remind us of the engineer's duty to society. Here's a better worded version of what I'm trying to say:

Miyazaki’s films are often preoccupied with absence, the value of things left behind and how the ghosts of beautiful things are traced onto our memories like the shadows of a nuclear fallout, and “The Wind Rises” looks back as only a culminating work can. His stories aren’t about the things we’ve lost so much as they’re about the act of remembering them, and though “The Wind Rises” doesn’t forgive us for our transgressions, it directs us back to the beautiful ideas from which they first sprang.

via this review, which is a great analysis.

But even if you don't care about all of this, the film should invoke a sense of pride as an engineer seeing the plane come into fruition. Bonus for depicting slide rules and hand drafting, makes me glad we have calculators and CAD now. Would not want to be designing planes by hand...

I leave you with the main theme:

PS: "le vent se lève, il faut tenter de vivre" is a good quotation to live by.

Cobra

I started watching Cobra solely based on the image below and so far no regrets.
(also what's a summer if I don't watch at least one anime series? It'd be a betrayal to my teenage summers)

via danbooru.

But so far my impression is that Cobra is what Lupin would be if he was in Bebop's setting.

Another reason why I started this series is because the length seems more manageable than Lupin, which rivals Conan (or at least the movies). And surprise the soundtrack is also by Yuji Ohno, which is recognizable at the first couple seconds if you've watched Lupin.

Enjoy the OP and ED:



Weird that I couldn't find the ED sequence on youtube, but watching that card turn is slightly hypnotic.

Bang!

Was browsing through Bebop fanart, too much feels. If I rewatch the series, I'm going to be so overwhelmed that I'll be unable to do anything for a couple of days. Instead I pray for more movies to come out.

To recover from just looking at the fanart (not enough of Spike x Julia), rewatched a heartwarming episode of Lupin. I should really finish the series.

Also downloading Cobra to heal the freshly opened wound of Bebop.


...
...
...

Also can't reread Ares cause too much feels. I need Icarus in my life.

carry that weight.

Amidst my solid mechanics problem set, I discovered /r/cowboybepop (man there's a subreddit for everything, like ffxiv and ni no kuni :D). Which led me to this incredible analysis of the final two episodes.

The only appropriate response is to change my wallpaper to this:

too much feelings e_e"

go

Here's nice music to work to :)


Love the humming in the first 30s, so calming~