honeycomb

I overestimate how much I eat...gotta recalibrate grocery shopping as well opps. Hmart honey garlic fried chicken is still very good and I could probably live on soup \o/

Speak, SIlence

Oof this was a heavy book to read, especially during the first few days of Russia's invasion of Ukraine. It was very uncomfortable to read and I actually had to stop reading at some points which is new to me.

Two short quotations:

After a great sadness, silence is not enough. But I did not know what to say.

Only pain resist words. Approach it as a silent supplicant and leave all that you are on a distant shore.

Echoes in the Distance

 Oof been listening to the Endwalker OST these days, sure brings back a lot of feels. Some collected thoughts:

• I knew the Garlemald tracks, especially the day theme (White Snow, Black Steel), are particular favourites. The radio music too (Home Beyond the Horizon)!
• Surprised myself with how many of the songs I recognized and could largely tell where in game it was used. Guess auditory memory is forming even when I don't consciously pay attention while playing. 
• Neath Dead Waters (Scions & Sinners) and Imagination (Duality), both piano arrangements of ShB tracks were pretty hard hitting. I can't believe I missed out on this particular arrangement album (Scions & Sinners) with its album art featuring ES.
• Flow Together (solo battle with Venat in Elpis) is a jazzy version of Flow that I did not know I needed.
• From the Ashes (Final Coils T3) is a surprising favourite! I even recently played that raid unsynced for WT and did not notice how grand the track is. 
• The very first version of Close in the Distance (Echoes in the Distance) is so incredibly atmospheric, probably the most out of the three versions. The fan-compiled lyrics turned out surprisingly accurate!
• We did not see as good of a job with Flow's lyrics, especially the last part:
  Hush, love, close your eyes, and in sleep abide
  As sun's distant light, echoes down to dreams below
  Know you will wake, on winds rise again
  For this journey's end is but one step forward to tomorrow
  It does confuse me who Venat is speaking to in this last part, it doesn't seem to be the current WoL but rather the past pieces of Azem's soul? It even fits Hyth & ES as they depart back to the aetherial sea. 
• The tracks to the final battle (The Final Day, With Hearts Aligned) and the final credit track (The Tale of the Star) has snippets of the overall FF series theme and other themes that's present in multiple FF games.
• I like the msq version of Radz-at-Han's themes more
• I'm never going to forget Smileton's theme based on how many times I ran it for tomes haha
• Where Daemons Abide is amazing, super atmospheric and kinda eerie. 

zelotupia

Okay this is definitely the glam I'm the most proud of. 

I was feeling stuck with trying to make the 2B dress work for dnc featuring the Hades weapon, so I ended up browsing marketboard for shoe options and found a very ascian looking shoe. This planted the idea of an ascian glam and I'm happy to have found the high allagan coat to make work!!

Indulge all the gposing that I did while trying out explorer mode for the first time:

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Another book recommended by a friend, I am being really good at following recommendations this year, which contrary behaviour haha. 

Jumping straight into quotations, there's actually a lot of plot points that stuck out to me since they reminded me of my own experiences but that's too much to get into on a blog post:

Therapy elicits odd reactions because, in a way, it's like pornography. Both involve a kind of nudity. Both have the potential to thrill. And both have millions of users, most of whom keep their use private. Though statisticians have attempted to quantify the number of people in therapy, their results are thought to be skewed because many people who go to therapy choose not to admit it.

People tend to dream without doing, death remains theoretical.

But there's also the reality that as people get older, they face more limitations. It becomes harder to change careers or move to a different city or marry a different person. Their lives are more defined, and sometimes they crave the freedom of youth. But children, bound by parental rules, are really free only in one respect- emotionally. For a while, at least, they can cry or laugh or have tantrums unselfconsciously; they can have big dreams and unedited desires. Like many people my age, I don't feel free because I've lost touch with that emotional freedom. Andthat's what I'm doing here in therapy trying to free myself emotionally again.

The next one reminded me a lot of ES' narration in EW's launch trailer (and hit myself another wave of EW & ES feels, just in time for the EW OST to come out brb going to cry again):

Now I keep in mind that none of us can love and be loved without the possibility of loss but that there's a difference between knowledge and terror.

The specific line in the trailer is: "That which lives is destined to die. Love leads to loss. Every beginning has an end."

The last quotation is particularly relevant right now, one of reason is because I was reminiscing about my past relationships triggered by reading through my highschool yearbook comments.

Sitting with Rita, I was reminded that the heart is just as fragile at seventy as it is at seventeen. The vulnerability, the longing, the passion they're all there in full force. Falling in love never gets old. No matter how jaded you are, how much suffering love has caused you, a new love can't help but make you feel hopeful and alive, like that very first time. Maybe this time it's more grounded you have more experience, you're wiser, you know you have less time -but your heart still leaps when you hear your lover's voice or see that number pop up on your phone. Late-in-life love has the benefit of being especially forgiving, generous, sensitive -and urgent.

If I were to list out a lessons learned for the first three boyfriends I've had, it would be:

1. Don’t like someone for novelty

2. Don’t date someone for novelty

3. Don’t date someone for companionship

scholar's harbor

Still discovering new places in Sharlayan to gpose during dawn & dusk:

fennel

Am back downtown! Quite happy about this. 

But first, a meal from when I still had to journey to:

Khao soi from SuhkoTHAI, c'est pas mal

and then a dessert I've made last weekend (been a while since I've baked anything):

Berry cardamom crumble bars via Diaspora

I was concerned about how it'll turn out since I had to make some unfavourable substitutions (like steel cut oats for rolled oats...sigh) and didn't have enough berries. But crumbles are pretty forgiving. Tho I do think the crust is too tiresome to chew with the steel cut oats. 

I've also forgotten how amazing browned butter is. It's heavenly.

Also made another braised pork shoulder dish even longer back. Turned out lovely and is a cold weather staple.